The last few weeks have been such a blur and I have been trying really hard to piece together the fragments of memories I have of this time frame that I spent in the suite at Riverbend Peace Health. It all started with my trip to the Emergency Room.

To clarify my absence, I was in the hospital with pancreatitis the last 2+ weeks. I have never felt pain like that before. In fact, one of my many nurses during my stay told me that the pain I was feeling at the time was comparable to a drug-free childbirth. She came to this conclusion by the amount of Dilaudid they had to give me to get ahead of the pain.

Because my memory of what happened was so bad, during the final days there I went through text messages I had sent to family members and coworkers and sat down with nurses that were in my care, in order to get some sort of timeline together. I was on so many medications, and in so much pain that I was just hurled over and screaming the first 9 days or so; Honestly, I can’t really remember much. I remembered bits and pieces, but there were blocks of time missing; full days even.

Luckily, I was able to finish a timeline, and I’m going to share that with you guys; Starting with the day I ate Cornbread Cafe and changed my life forever.

(Note: This will be a little different than my normal blogs, and will be put out in a multiple part series. I wrote most of this in the hospital, but even as I’m editing and adding in things now, please know I was, and am, on high doses of narcotics for pain management as well as many other medications.)

October 3, 2018 (Wednesday): The day Cornbread Cafe changed my life,

On October 3, which was your typical Wednesday night, I ordered Cornbread Cafe, through grub hub. I was feeling a little down that evening so of course, I ordered enough food for three people to get full on. (Yay for Binge Eating Disorder) If you don’t know what Cornbread Cafe is, it’s like your standard American diner and comfort food, but it’s entirely all vegan. I decided that I needed to binge all of it before going to work that night.

By the time I got to work, I was in pain and I was having a hard time breathing because my stomach was so full. I didn’t feel sick enough to stay home, though. I should mention the shame and guilt I felt about feeling this sick since it was my fault I felt this way, and I knew it. Part of me inside was screaming at myself “You’re a disgusting piglet! You deserve to feel like this!”

About 45 minutes into my shift, I felt what I thought was heartburn. It wasn’t too bad at first, but as time went on the pain in my chest got worse.

After about 20 minutes, I was in serious pain and I was literally dripping sweat to the point where I thought I was going to pass out. I found my co-worker and barely got out the words “I don’t feel very well.” before she was grabbing me a stool, a glass of water and a cool rag. She said, “Hunny, you don’t look well.”

It wasn’t long before I had an array of customers offering me medical advice and telling me what I should do. Before I knew it, I was sitting on the ground outside drinking seltzer with my head back. Someone gave me a Prilosec, while someone else gave me Papaya Extract Pills. Not only was it overwhelming, but also embarrassing. She sent me home once I made it back inside. I felt like I was out there forever, but it was about 45 minutes.

On my way out, the lady who gave me the papaya extract pills stopped me and asked me if I was feeling any better. I told her I was definitely feeling better than I was earlier, but the pain was still there. She said, if it was heartburn, it would have died down by now and that she and her friend (who happened to be a retired nurse) thought that it could be gallbladder pain. I said thank you and went on my way, but I didn’t know that lady would end up being right.

October 4, 2018 (THURSDAY): Still hurting, but not excruciating pain.

It was hurting, but, at the time, I had no insurance so I had thrown out any ideas of going to the doctor or the ER. I was still able to do everything by myself, like get up and down from the bed/sofa or going to the bathroom, walk up a case of stairs, get in a car, lay down on my back, and most importantly: work.

I went to work and worked my shift just fine.

It wasn’t until I was back home, just laying down for bed when the pain came on again. It was so bad that I was curled up in the fetal position and crying out. These attacks last a few hours and then resolve themselves, but there’s no position, sitting, standing or laying down, that you can get into that is remotely comfortable. It is awful and I wouldn’t wish this pain upon anyone! I literally feel like I’m having a heart attack when it happens. It is so scary and you can’t breathe because it hurts to open your lungs up. I start hyperventilating and having an anxiety attack. The entire experience is traumatizing.

October 5, 2018 (FRIDAY): Thankful I Have Off Work Today

After not sleeping the last couple of nights because of the excruciating pain and ongoing panic attacks, I was excited to have the day off to just lay around and relax. The pain was constant and would come and go in waves from a slight inconvenient heartburn to a pain so intense that I think I’m going to die of a heart attack.

It was really starting to scare me at this point. It had been three days and it wasn’t getting any better. I wasn’t eating anything so I know it wasn’t just your typical heartburn. However, as another young American without insurance, going to the ER seemed like a daunting and impossible task.

October 6, 2018 (SATURDAY): I Finally Drag My Broke-Ass To The ER.

Around 6 a.m. Saturday morning I was crying to my dad on the phone, telling him how much it hurt. He tells me “Well, dammit Chan, go to the damn ER.”

I knew he was right, but I was in denial. I couldn’t afford to go to the ER. People like me don’t afford the luxury of health care.

After a few more hours of horrible pain, I decided to listen to my dad and drive myself to the ER. In the end, I’m happy this decision was made, and advise anyone to go to the ER immediately.

October 6, 2018 (SATURDAY STILL)

I drove to the Eugene downtown ER around 10:30 a.m. and was admitted for abdominal pain. By 11:00 am I was already given a bed. I want to give props to the Eugene Downtown/University ER on this particular Saturday morning. I know that short wait time isn’t normal for the Emergency Room. Around 2 p.m. I was getting an ultrasound and was told I needed emergency surgery; I was going to have my gallbladder removed.

After my ultrasound, I sat there for what seemed like forever. Luckily, I had an overly chatty neighbor who also happened to be from the Chicagoland area. The minute I told him I was too, I heard his entire life story until the minute he was discharged. He told me a lot about his family and what it was like for him growing up. I feel like he really opened up to me even though there was a curtain separating us.

The young man told me that he hasn’t had this good of a day in a long time, and I don’t know how to take that since we were both in the ER. He was in there because he was severely dehydrated (probably due to the methamphetamines they found in his system). Also, he taught me a lot about what it’s like to live on the streets of Eugene. The lifestyle he was describing was scary and sad, and one I wouldn’t want for anyone I care about. Thank you, buddy, for your friendliness and simple reminders of why I stayed away from methamphetamines.

I was told I needed to be taken to Riverbend, which was another hospital across town, to have my surgery. They told me I would ride by ambulance, but I knew better. No pain meds were given, I am driving myself. I had to sign a waiver of sorts and they had to bandage up my IV, but by 7:00 p.m. I was driving myself to Riverbend Hospital to have emergency gallbladder removal surgery.

(To Be Continued…)

Xoxo

Thank you so much for being here. I know this is more of a diary style blog, but these are more for me than for you. Really, I just want a record of this period of time, which is more of a blur now than anything. I am happy that I took the time to write out everything that happened while I was in the hospital. This way I could have an accurate record of what actually went down October of 2018.

This has been the most physically demanding and painful experience I have ever been through. It really has shown me how much the body can go through and come back from.

It has given me a new perspective on chronic pain victims, like Fibromyalgia or arthritis etc., and also a lot of respect for the people in the medical industry.

I could probably write an entire blog about this, but thank you to everyone who decides to go into medicine, whether it’s as a CNA, an RN or getting a doctorate and being a heart surgeon.

Wherever you are in the healthcare system, the stakes are high, and there’s always an issue with being understaffed and underpaid.

Just… Thank you. <3